First, I Knew Everything

Photo by Lysander Yuen on Unsplash

First, I knew everything.

Then I was told I knew very little.

Then I was told if I learned what other people, smart people knew, I would also be smart.

Then I learned a bunch of stuff and thought I knew everything and people told me I was smart.

Then I realized most of the things I knew were things people wanted me to “know” so they could tell me what to do, what to think about - could take my time, attention or money.

Then I realized I knew very little and that there were wise people and wisdom was different than knowing stuff and that I was not wise.

Then I studied, read, memorized and absorbed wisdom in the hopes that being wise would be the right kind or amount of knowing.

Then I realized none of the things I knew, nor none of the wisdom I absorbed had any necessary relationship with enjoying life.

Then I assumed I was neither smart enough nor wise enough or that maybe being smart or wise were not what life was about.

After a period of bitter soul paralysis, I got pissed and I focused on just being me, taking care of me and making sure I had mostly a pleasant day after waking up.

At first, it was hard and painful because most people (including me) thought I was lazy or selfish or crazy.

After a while, I started to tell those kinds of people (including me) to eat shit and die.

After that, life was significantly nicer.